Thievery As A Means of Social Change

So by this point I'm sure that no one actually reads this blog, and the few of you who actually do do it to either flame me or do it out of politeness, and that's fine. This allows me to sound like a total crackpot and talk about stupid things that make sense as long as they work on a mass scale and totally disregard ethics (By the way, I have been watching a lot of Zero Punctuation lately). So as this title suggests, I have an idea that by stealing things, it could bring about social change.

So if you follow my Twitter feed (and congrats if you do; I realize I am super boring), you know just how much I dislike Wal-Mart. Yes, it is convenient and the prices are low, but really it is the ideal 1980s, Lex Luthor-headed evil corporation. Yes, you all know about how low the wages its employees are paid, how it shuts down stores that try to unionize, mistreat women, run local businesses out of...business..., and overall just are a monopoly that allow other companies to exist to keep Uncle Sam happy enough to make sure he keeps taking the bribes that are handed to them by "lobbyists" (Convince me that a lobbyist is not a legal grafter and I will literally eat my shorts). But then there's the little things that you don't typically think about, but still exists. For example, ever notice how if something isn't on the shelves at Wal-Mart, it pretty much doesn't exist? Or how they care about profits so much that they never have enough people around to help you or check you out, leading to 50 people waiting on 3 cashiers to take care of anyone, and all you want to do is go home and take a proper dump on a sterile toilet seat with a door that actually closes and use toilet paper that you don't have to file assault charges against after using? (I'll let that last part sink in for a moment.)

Ok, so if you just skipped that last paragraph of run on sentences, the main point is Wal-Mart is evil and I don't like it. So how does stealing things from it (as the title of this article implies) possibly help the situation? Easy. The basic idea is that you mess with Wal-Mart so much it can't run other people out of business as much or as efficiently. Here's what I propose that happens: go into Wal-Mart, steal all that you can steal for long as possible, repeat ad infinitum, and eventually they can't keep prices as low as before, allowing for more competition and small businesses.

Now, I know that some of you just can't grasp how this can possibly work, and that's okay. If more people understood how economics worked we wouldn't be in the predicament we're in now. So, for the sake of those people who don't get it, here's how it works (all others, just skip down a bit): First off, by stealing from Wal-Mart, you are taking away profits and adding to overhead costs. They have to keep a certain amount of product in stock, and by removing that with no compensation, they have to re-order that product with their own money they saved in the vaults usually reserved for buying more hookers and keeping people's mouths shut. Now, if the thievery keeps up, they'll have to install more security cameras, hire more employees, and maybe even a security team like they have in the mall. This comes at an increased cost and more overhead. To meet the now overhead and still keep the profits high enough to pay the dues in the yacht club, they'll have to raise the prices. Once the prices start climbing, people will start shopping around, especially the lower class people who are forced to pinch every penny possible to make ends meet. The higher prices allows for Ma and Pop stores to open up to compete (since now prices are at a level that they CAN compete), allowing for more jobs and more variety in the products offered. 

Why is competition good? Mostly because that's how capitalism works. More competition means more jobs, more variety in products, and better quality projects. Ma and Pa stores have to hire SOMEONE to work for them eventually, trucking companies have to hire more drivers to move more goods, security guards have to be hired to protect Wal-Mart, and entrepreneurs are the driving force behind any good economy. More variety of products give you more options, allows you to try new things, and stimulates innovation instead of just stagnating over the same old products. As for better quality, that just goes along with the invisible hand.

If you skipped that last paragraph because you understand how capitalism works, you can continue reading here. So one of the main problems with this is that A.) it's illegal and B.) it's supposedly hard to steal from Wal-Mart. To address the illegal part: Oh well. This is part of the greater good and needs to be done. Don't get caught and it isn't illegal. As for the hard part: Evidently it isn't hard as long as you have brains about you. I have never stolen anything in my life, but many people I know are actually having a competition to see who can rob more from Wal-Mart before being caught. Just to put this into perspective, this game has been going on for a bit over a year now and all the original players are still in the game. It's not hard to smuggle things out of there and worst case scenario the first responder to you crime are the ancient greeters at the door. Even if you do a smash and grab, you can get in and out before they can move from behind their little stool thing. 

Now, I've probably lost a fair amount of you by now, either because this idea is too radical and their minds aren't open enough to even CONSIDER this, or they saw the huge paragraphs and decided that porn has less words in it and went off for a good wank. Either way, for those of you who are miraculously still with me, I'm about to wrap this up. 

So, in summary (or for you TL;DR assholes), stealing from Wal-Mart will drive up prices, allowing for more competition, help employ more people, and overall flip The Bird to a major corporation. This helps the economy as a whole and helps a lot of people, least of which are the thieves. Of course, this would only work if done on a large scale and the small competitors were spared, and I'm not dumb enough to even think that it will ever happen. Most people either won't steal (like the lily livered guy writing this) or will take this as a perfect excuse to rob as many stores blind as possible. I'm not advocating that at all, but someone may read this (yeah right) and use that to their advantage. So enjoy whatever you actually plan to do and help take down Wal-Mart instead of just complaining about it while buying cheaply prices goods in an overly-long line like we're prone to do. 

Go ahead and tell me what you think (i.e., flame me) here or leave a spineless anonymous comment safely behind your computer screen saying I'm a moron. In the mean time, I'm going to go make rage comics and post them to Reddit for more karma and views than this article will ever receive.